Naked on a Rooftop [justin]

The psychological warfare begins well before the actual test takes place. An official polygraph test, lasting between 2 to 3 hours, starts with the facilitator explaining how the lie detector scientifically works, proceeds to review the questions that will be asked, moves on to hooking up monitoring devices (breathing, blood pressure, electro dermal response) and then finally culminates to the authorized, monotonous torrent of Q and A. Each step of the drawn out process is used to crack the guilty conscience.

I would like to think that I am pretty open in whom I am, but watching a portion of Moment of Truth the other night on television made me feel otherwise. Sure, it is more of a pop culture polygraph game show, condensed down to its 42 minute time frame, nevertheless it works somehow and has the added pressure of not only everybody you know watching, but also millions of other strangers tuning in to see how bad of a person you are. I empathetically felt the social death of the lady on the show as her husband and parents sat on the side grimacing. The person that others, including herself, thought she was took a few last gasping breaths as the more naked, vulnerable, and ugly (albeit sincere) one was revealed.

Humans fear social death more than physical death. Signing up for a lie detector test, or even confessing in general, is like choosing your societal cemetery plot. But unlike the Hollywood world, life doesn’t award you for telling the truth every time, and the brunt of the issue certainly doesn’t end after 42 minutes.

“It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what,” the fictitious and pompous Dr. House once said. “The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for.”

The greatest deception is self deception. We know when we are intentionally lying to others, but our inner psyche is too distorted to always reveal the truth to our selves, and, in turn, to others. Don’t get me wrong, we’re still responsible for our junk, but our egotistical self preservation almost seems like something separate from, yet ingrained in, us.

As one who believes in the redemption of Jesus, being true hasn’t been a whole lot easier at times. God’s children are called to die each day unto themselves, and if Dr. House’s thesis is true, the thing I’m willing to lie for the most is my ego and the way others perceive me. This is a complex, two sided issue that basically has me as a contorted void at times, neither confessing sin nor sainthood, which, in the current era, dances mysteriously together.

I would like to take a polygraph sometime to see what‘s in me. Actually, no, that’s a lie. Saying that makes me look noble and strong enough to face the truth. However, I would be scared to death for an internal paradigm change. The only consolation is that redemption is process (in part) and affects not only desires but the will as well. Just because I have thoughts or desires to do something un-honorable (sin), doesn’t mean I would choose to continually think about or act on them (sainthood). I guess those two aspects aren’t so much dancing… rather they are in an all out cage match.

Still, what if we couldn’t hide and had to deal with ourselves head on and, on top of that, have others see us as we really are?

“Have you ever fantasized about having sex with your wife and one of her friends before?”

“Have you ever stolen something from work?”

“Are you in ministry for the purpose of respect and power?”

“Have you ever given your boyfriend a blowjob?”

“Do you gossip about your friends?”

“Have you ever abused a child?”

“Do you think you are better than your friends?”

“Have you thought about killing yourself before?”

“Do you believe in the Word of God?”

If none of these strikes a chord, there are more. In watching Moment of Truth, questions came up that I never thought of, and this was made for TV, folks; reality doesn’t pull any punches. If we think we are immune to being asked a question that wouldn’t cut and expose us to our core, we are lying to ourselves again.

When he was fifteen, a friend of mine heard a sermon and read in his Bible that one day everything will be uncovered and brought into the open, that even whispers and secrets will be shouted from the rooftops. If everything is going to be revealed anyway, why not confess the junky stuff now? In conviction, he stood up on a public picnic table and started confessing that he struggled with sexual temptation and sin. It was a pretty bold move.

Are we willing, in wisdom, now that we are “grown-up”, to do the same?

Do I believe…
that all flesh is like grass?
that the Word of the God is eternal?
that I cannot justify myself?

Do I believe…
in forgiveness offered?
in the necessity of forgiveness towards others?
in truth?

Do I believe that if I sit on a rooftop naked with shame, that God Himself will not only cover me, but change me as well? Or am I just playing pretend?