Self Service Checkout [justin]

Checkout aisle three has a middle-aged man in his cabbie hat arguing with the clerk over the price of an eight-dollar bottle of wine. Down a few aisles, a young mom and her two-year-old boy are raiding number five. He is at that stage where grabbing anything within reach of his pudgy fingers and throwing it on the floor with exuberant cry is a normal occurrence; the lower portion of the candy stand is not fairing so well. Then at the 15 items or less “express” lane, grandma unloads her 18 individual items and reaches into her purse to pull out, what’s that… oh, a few sheets of coupons… should I mention that they are uncut?

Even in the small areas of life like grocery shopping, people can be an unwanted hassle whether it is their personality or character or just their presence. It’s not hard to see why the self-service checkout lane is becoming more and more popular in stores these days. It provides another option to get done what needs to get done while having the possible benefit of removing unnecessary human interaction and the small added ego boost of doing it yourself. The self-service checkout is a minute item that touches on a greater underlying social observation; we gravitate towards isolation and drift away from community.

Community, a buzz-word now-a-days, is one of those complex things that we know we need but don’t really want unless it is on our own terms. But by definition, while it involves us, it is not about us. Maybe what we subconsciously want is to be a dictator rather than a friend, or have our peers be pets rather than humans. Just like our checkout lanes we would prefer our community to be self-serving, that is, fill the need [though never actually doing so] with as little overhaul as possible. But as with anything that deals with wanting sincere relationships, to be self-serving in relationships is really to check out of community.

Over the past two years in dealing with a small group, a church internship, and marriage some of my concepts of what authentic community is have been expanding. Here are some of those thoughts.

We are not made to live in isolation. Jesus Himself, in all His perfection stated that he couldn’t independently do anything on His own but only in connection with the Father. And it’s a precarious thing for us non-perfect people that in the beginning before relation with God was severed that our Creator looked at Adam and said that it was not good for man to be alone. Now there are times where we all need to take the path less traveled and I whole-heartedly believe that every follower of Christ needs to be able to hear and discern His voice. However, more often than not, I believe that the lone-ranger-it’s-just-me-and-the-Lord approach, whether known or not, is used in subtle rebellion. The proverb states it clearly when it says that whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. It also tends to be tricky to love others if you are never around them… even the Lord’s Prayer is filled with “our” and “us” as compared to “me” and “my”.

There is a difference between isolation and solitude. Just like Jesus, we all need to retreat to a lonely place. Being a social glutton is just as detrimental to community life as isolation is. Healthy boundaries enhance both our times alone and together, and most of us have not yet found that balance. My only suggestion is to get those times in before you feel the need for them. We need to realize that we lose our individuality outside of community and hinder our relationships when we don’t get enough solitude.

Size matters. It’s tricky, really. Jesus had three in his inner circle, twelve that he basically lived with, and the whole world, which he loved. We need to keep ourselves in check so that we don’t try to save the world with our friendship and hence burn out… but also we need to guard against exclusive pride and elitism. In some way or another we have all been in that place of wanting to connect and wanting someone to let us in… we must not deny that for others as well. It’s somewhat funny to read the disciples complaining how another group is doing the same stuff they are [Mark 9:38]… it’s like they wanted to be the only “in crowd”, the “cool ones” and the rest of the people can just go bugger off. Sheesh, glad we don’t do that now-a-days.

Anyone can be alone in a crowd. It’s a hidden trend of humans to have the appearance of something while really not having the substance. It’s quite easy to fall into this façade of community where we hang out with others (even laughing and have a good time or doing something important) but still only breathe in our own little individual port-a-bubbles. We’re missing out on something and we can’t place our fingers on it… its surface community at best and possibly social vanity at worst.

Vulnerability, communication, effort and grace. We tend to want our community like we want our faith; heap on the joy, peace and affirmation – go light on the grief, discipline and refining (I am fasting after all). We do a disservice to our relationships when we don’t take the opportunity to speak up and show some concern for another’s sanctification. We suffocate the possible truth if we don’t learn to communicate in love to each other’s individual souls. We are foolish to not take into consideration a friend’s insight, even if it hurts. Better is open reprimand than concealed love. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive [Proverb 27:5-6]. There is only one Holy Spirit, we don’t need another. What we do need (and need to be), rather, is a comrade that aids in the Spirit’s work by pointing to a shadowed place in us and then pointing to Jesus.

In theory, community seems simple… but in practicality it is one of the hardest things to find, develop and maintain. It is a melting pot of the ordinary, mundane, and spectacular being constantly poured out in the every day. To steal Bonhoeffer’s title, it is life together in the raw. The art of being known is probably the most rewarding and painful thing we go through during our years here. Granted, authentic community doesn’t happen overnight but it also doesn’t happen if there is no nurturing of it towards that place of sincerity. If nothing else, it helps reaffirm this truth about Christ which we usually only take in part: He died for me… He died for more than me.