Ghost [jana]
I’m living to be invisible,
waking to disappear.
Hoping to be a cloud
a blade of grass
wanting to be lost
or anything but noticed.
Attention means only pain or pity.
What invisible really is
—a kind of suicide—
No one ever says it out loud.
They’re happy to tolerate.
Just as long as I keep quiet and
vacuum my footprints
from the carpet.
I was never here.
There is an interesting tension to this piece (at least as I read it). Probably because I both identify with this feeling and with its opposite: the desire TO be seen. (I guess I should say, bear this in mind when reading the remainder of this critique.)
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether the act of writing is the antithesis of the feeling you describe--etching in un-vacuumable footprints, rather than removing them--hoping that someone will find them and know you. Especially considering the fact that this is now online, and that you regularly write with an audience.
"What invisibility is / --a kind of suicide-- / No one ever says it out loud." I love that, excellent use of dashes to sort of muffle what doesn't get said "out loud." Also, it's interesting that "Attention means only pain or pity," and yet the desired invisibility is "a kind of suicide."
Excellent final line, by the way.
"Attention means only pain or pity." This makes me wonder if there is something specific to which you want to be invisible.
ReplyDeleteI have several more questions mulling about in my mind...but perhaps this isn't the best means through which to explore them. Maybe we can talk over a cup of coffee when I come to Washington this summer :)
I think Jake just said much of what I thought upon reading this, and more besides. The attempt to be invisible is easy to relate to, and the line about invisibility being a sort of suicide really struck me. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHi guys, thanks for the comments, just found them a few weeks late. Jake, you're right about that strange tension.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was not first person, originally, and was written about what I see in someone else's unspoken communication. I see hypocriticism in this behavior, but I also identify with some of its patterns and desires. Interesting that that came through.
Vanessa, definitely coffeetimes when you come this summer!