To Fly Free [vanessa]

[Movement One: Morning Conversations]

The bond is so strong,
Will I ever be free?
Locked in an invisible fortress;
Captive in the top of the tower.
The emotional enmeshment is so hard to see.
The physical so distant and nearly nonexistent.
Like a tether ball swinging round and round -
Never cut loose to play.
I feel eternally bound.

My child, it's not who you are.
It's not who I made you to be.
I know the pain is so great,
The loss so deep.
I feel it all with you as you wake and as you sleep.
I am not the Captor who keeps you entrapped.
I've given you wings to fly free.

Your request feels like a mountain I'll never be able to climb.
You're asking for all of me.
I don't even know how or where to begin.
The fortress is lonely, but at least it's familiar.
A picture or two on the walls might make it look pretty...

My daughter, you weren't meant to live in a cage.
I made you to soar.
Your wings have been crippled from years of abuse.
But don't be afraid simply due to their lack of use.
The window is open,
Fly out and be free.

I want to, I do.
But what if I fail?
I don't think I can bear the weight of it all.
My wings are so weak,
What if I can't last?
This tower is all I know.

It doesn't matter if your wings are too weak or if you fall.
I'm the One who'll rescue you from it all.
There's never a time you'll be on your own.
All that I've made I've given to You.
Your home is with me.
Abandon your fears, rest, and let your heart fly free.

[Movement Two: Waiting on the Ledge]

I heard Your voice beckoning to me,
Calling me to leave the fortress I've always known.
I stand on the ledge, peering out on the vast horizon-
Waiting...waiting....waiting...
Why do I wait when You've given me wings to fly free?
What is it that keeps me attached to this place?

The walls you've built are strong and dense,
There are few that could ever get in.
These walls are the protection you've built
To keep yourself safe from the pain you once knew;
The pain you never want to feel again.

What is this pain?
From where does it come?
I don't want to be entrapped anymore...but, I do.

All the pain you feel,
All the doubts you carry,
All the lies you believe...
They are your captors, they are the chains you feel.
Name them and be set free.

Name them, You say?
But then that makes them too real, too much a part of me.
I want to be free more than I want to be safe,
So I'm choosing to trust what you say.
Rejection...
Unlovely...
Unworthy...
Not Enough...
These words, and so many more, come billowing through the deep recesses of my heart

The truth, my daughter, will set you free.
The truth that these lies, these wounds, these places of pain
Are no longer your master, their power is gone.
Please open your heart and your mind to hear the sweet words I long to whisper to you.
Step over the ledge and fall into me...

[Movement Three: Free Falling]

I fall.
I expect to land and be crushed into a million little pieces.
Yet, You are there...as You always are.
You catch me.
Not a single bone is broken.
There I lay, in the palm of your hand...resting securely.

The anxiety that once laid claim upon my heart is diminished.
There is nothing left to fear.
You are near and...
It is enough.
My soul now knows that all is well.

Once again I am free.
To Return,
To Hope,
To Dream -
Without dread.
I invite the future with a smile...