I’ll Meet You Just Inside The Door [mike]

The alarm clock next to my bed had been making that annoying beeping sound for at least 10 minutes when I finally decided to slap it to the off position. I didn't want to get out of bed but I had to. I yawned, stretched my arms, and brought my feet to cold floor, sliding into my soft slippers.

I scratched the back of my head, looked around the room a little, and then I realized that you were sitting there. You were leaning against the wall staring at me like I was a newborn baby.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," you said back.

"You know, you really should stop sitting in my room staring at me while I sleep. It's kinda creepy."

You smiled. "Sorry 'bout that. I really can't help it."

"Again . . . creepy." I rolled my eyes and stood up. You stood and paced the room with me.

In truth, I could've gone back to bed right then and there. I already felt like I hated this day and the sun hadn't even risen yet. I didn't want to feel that way . . . I just did. There was some kind of deep longing that I felt in the pit of my heart.

"You know what today is right?" you asked.

"Yea, I know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Um, not really." I said sarcastically.

"Why not?" you gently replied. (It baffles me how you can ask a question like that and not sound pushy. How do you do that?) You stood there quiet as long as I did. You're so patient, you know that?

"Because this whole thing sucks. And it pisses me off that I'm stuck in this position. It wasn't my fault, I got talked into it by Charles!" I ranted. Tears welled up in my eyes but I ducked my head. It wasn't manly to cry. I suddenly felt like throwing things in my room. If I could toss a few pieces of furniture and break a few things, I'd definitely feel better than I did now. I let out a rush of breath and clasped my fingers together on the back of my head. The expletives were mounting in my head and moving down to the tip of my tongue.

It was about then that I heard you inhale. Uh oh, I thought. You were angry. You knew I was thinking those things. I turned around expecting to see a disappointed or disgusted look on your face but that's not what I saw. You had this goofy look on your face. Like the one you would see on a kid who just farted in the middle of class but wasn't ashamed. Your lips were clenched like you were holding back laughter. Seriously? I thought.

Just then, you doubled over and let out a bellowing laugh. I couldn't believe it.

"You're laughing at me?" I said.

You shook your head. "I'm laughing next to you," you said with a goofy voice.
"You're something else, you know that?"

I slowly shook as my eyebrows darkened. "I'm starting to get concerned about you," I said with a chuckle. Truthfully speaking, your whole outburst took my mind off the day I had to face. It was like this peace came over me momentarily when you started laughing. That's weird, isn't it?

Downstairs, you laughed louder than I did at the comics I read in the newspaper as I slurped the milk in my cereal. I looked up and there it was again-- that look that you look at me with. Like I'm some work of art in a museum or something.

"You're really weird you know that?" I said, with a small laugh, as I plunged the spoon back into the bowl.

"Yeah I know," you replied. "Not that many people know how playful and goofy I am. I really like to be that way. They take me too seriously a lot of the time."

"Really?" I said. "That's definitely not you at all."

We headed out to the garage and got into my car. I scanned the stations on the radio and you sat in the passenger seat next to me.

"You know that everything's gonna work out today, right?"

I stopped what I was doing with the radio and dropped my head. "How is that possible?" I replied. My mind returned to the situation I was about to face. It was like someone poured ice-cold water over my head on a hot summer's day.

"It is. You have to trust me," you said.

"Is it cool if we not talk about this?" I replied.

You nodded. "I won't say another word. Just trust me when I say that everything's gonna work out today, okay?"

I rolled my eyes and went back to scanning the channels. I've got to be the most frustrating human being in the world at times. Why do you keep hanging around like you do?

The drive was quiet all the way in to the city. My radio was on scan until it landed on a Coldplay song. "Ah, there we go," I said. "I love this band." I began to hum the song quietly. I'm not a really good singer but you know that already.

"You know, I know this guy," you said and pointed toward the digital info screen on my dash.

"What? Who, Chris Martin?" I replied. "You're telling me that you know Chris Martin from Coldplay?"

"Mm hm."

"Nuh uh! I don't believe you."

"It's true. And he knows me too, believe it or not. He's not real public about our friendship but I'm okay with that. When we talk, I know he considers me a friend."

"Wow, Chris Martin!" I said. The shock was evident in the tone of my voice. You nodded and half smiled at me. You probably thought my star-struckness was funny.

We had to park kinda far from the courthouse and it was raining. I sighed and gripped the steering wheel in my car. I really, really didn't want to go through with this. This feeling of fear and panic pounded on me. It felt like someone punching me in the gut. As I sat there reeling, your hand touched my shoulder. I felt your fingers grip the muscle through my shirt. You're so reassuring. I appreciate that. It gets me through the day a lot. We walked up the courthouse steps and met my attorney. He took me into a room, privately, so he could go over the proceedings. I whispered to you that I would rather you not come in with me. I know you wanted to but I really didn't want you to hear all the filings against me. It's embarrassing.

"I'll meet you just inside the door," you said as my attorney closed the door behind me.

When my attorney finished and led me out to the hallway the knot in my stomach returned. I felt like I was going to puke. That'd be great wouldn't it? If I barfed all over my suit! I just got the stupid thing pressed. I was jumpy and nervous as I watched people file into the courtroom. I felt like every single person stared at me with sharp eyes as they walked by. My attorney kept whispering to me to relax, but I couldn't. This whole thing felt like a judgment on my soul. What would my fate be? Would they lead me right out of the room and down to the gas chamber? Maybe the electric chair or one of those medieval stretching machines like they had in the movie Braveheart. I shook my head, trying to erase these ridiculous thoughts from my mind. Each step I took toward the double doors of the courtroom echoed like a gigantic drum in my ears. A violent panic seized me as I crossed the threshold. I glanced around quickly to see a bunch of cold faces staring back at me. I can't do this, I thought. I'm gonna pass out.

It was about that time that I saw you. Out of every person in the room your eyes were the only ones that showed compassion for me. You smiled this big reassuring smile and I suddenly felt this calmness. I can't explain it. It was instantaneous. How is that possible? My weak knees felt strong again. I was really glad you were with me in that room. I can't even begin to tell you that! I saw you whisper something to me as I passed but I couldn't hear you. I wonder what you said.

Through all of that I heard your words-- Everything's gonna work out today. I actually believed you.

The sun had risen halfway up into the sky as we walked out of the courthouse. I felt relief. There had been a judgment on me but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.

"Well?" you said as you moved closer to me.

"Well . . . it wasn't that bad after all," I replied. "Probation, and fines to pay, but no jail time or gas chamber."

"What?" you said with a confused look on your face.

I laughed. "Never mind," I said. "I can handle this consequence."

"I told you that everything was going to be okay, didn't I?"

"You did," I said. "I trust you now."

"Well, finally," you replied sarcastically. I laughed and dropped my head.

"I want you to learn from this experience," you said. "I want you to leave that kinda life behind you okay?"

"Okay," I replied. "I promise you that."

"I've got some better ideas for you. How bout we talk about them?"

"That sounds good. How bout we grab some lunch then?" I said.

"Great."

"By the way, thanks so much for being there with me today. It meant a lot," I said.

"I know. I wouldn't have been anywhere else," you replied.

"So, what did you whisper to me when I walked past you in the courtroom?" I asked with a bit of hesitation.

"You really want to know?" you replied.

"Yes, I do."

"I whispered that I'm with you all the time, even until your days are over."

I thought about that for a moment and then I smiled. You really meant that. I believed that.

"Thank you," I replied.

Lunch was really good that day. You and I spent the entire time talking. I could tell you were relieved that I had finally decided to open up and talk. You'd been waiting for that for a long time.